200th post.

In honor of my 200th post, I've given my blog a mini-makeover which is always fun.  I've been meaning to do it, been meaning to get back to regular blogging.  Auditioning and making the cast of Boulder's Listen to Your Mother show was a boost I am so grateful for.  My novel has pretty much been taking over any time I have to write, but I'm in need of a break - a sit-back and stew over what should happen in the end kind of break.  It's the kind of break that I think will be hugely telling of whether I should finish or start something new.  I guess it's an intimidating break because the idea of starting something new and putting aside the 50,000 words already written kind of makes me want to hide away in the mountains Thoreau-style.  The writer's life.  How glamorous it is.  As much as it stresses me out, I love it.  I love Wednesday mornings when my boys are taken care of by lovely people and I get to sit at a coffee shop furiously writing down all of my latest thoughts.  I store them up over the week, dozens of iPhone notes and Post-It scrawls waiting for me to assemble and weave into my story.  It's really exhilarating, especially when it just works.  I am excited to get back to this space, to write from my heart about this place in life.  

Along with the makeover, I have some new ideas for the blog.  I'm not sure how they'll take shape yet, but I am hoping to publish here some of my shorter fiction pieces.  I am excited to do this but also nervous.  Writing fiction is way more vulnerable for me, so sharing it will be an interesting process.  I will also be writing more articles about living in "the middle place" and of course bringing up issues that strike me.

Back in 2009, with some hesitation, I started this blog.  My intention then was to keep record of my (mostly random) thoughts about life.  In honor of "200," I went back and read through my blog archives.  There were posts I didn't even remember writing - some that made me flush with the realization that I knew basically nothing about life.  I see a girl with a rosy view (not that that's horrible) and zero responsibility besides herself.   Garsh, I kind of find her annoying!

I thought about deleting some of the early posts and starting fresh, but then I realized that there's something really beautiful about seeing my changes and growth through written word over the past five years.  In 200 posts, I have grown from a child to a woman.

I've started my dream job, left my dream job and created a new dream job.  I'm not a teacher in the traditional sense, but when I write with young adults, my heart soars.  I've almost written a novel.

I'm fulfilling my dream to be a stay-at-home mom, business owner, writer.  

I've lost my dad and gained two boys who have my heart.  

I've had two natural childbirths and still have a husband who is over-the-moon excited about sleepless nights and early mornings because he gets to do it with me. 

I've distanced from some friends and grown closer to a few I couldn't live without.  My sister lives here and is my best friend, and I am going to be an aunt.  I have mama friends who get what this is all about.  

My boobs have migrated, but I've nourished two humans.  I feel wrung out in a good way after yoga, and I've rediscovered swimming.  I actually took a dance class...many dance classes.  (HA!)  

My weaknesses are wine and chocolate (whose aren't?), but I've added green smoothies.  I'm gluten free now and miss dumplings the most.  My Crohn's has been in remission for eight years, and I'm not on any meds.  

I have learned that spirituality for me comes in the shape of a yoga pose or a trail and to let others find their own.

There's more.  Of course there's more.  But for now, I'm looking ahead, thankful for the past 200, but excited for what's to come.