I can see (kind of) clearly now.

The first three months postpartum has been unlike any other time in my life thus far, and I'm sure every mom can agree that it's pretty indescribable. The best I can do is to say that it's sort of like trying to navigate through the woods at night in a thick fog while wearing beer goggles, hopping on one foot, and mumbling incoherencies to those you happen to pass by along the way only to have them shake their heads at you in utter disgust because your clothes are dirty, your hair is disheveled, and your armpits reek. One of the books I read describes the three months after birth as the "fourth trimester," a time of adjustment for both mom and baby to this new life. Whatever it is, I can officially say that I've lived every millisecond of the past three months for better or for worse. Now that Calvin is a little over three months old, I'm starting to feel like I'm coming out of the fog a bit. I feel better about going out in public with him, breastfeeding has gotten - dare I say - easier, and I know what to do if he gets fussy. I've learned a lot about both myself and my baby during this time, and it feels good to know that trusting my instincts thus far hasn't let me down.

This past week, I decided that it was about time to make a plan for the rest of my year off that doesn't include sitting inside this house day after day just because it's cold outside. The first activity on my agenda was to try a Mommy & Me yoga class at Yo Mama yoga studio. I did so much prenatal yoga through pregnancy and loved it, so I knew it'd feel good to jump back into practice. It was great to be around other mamas and their little ones and to move my body again. I told the instructor that I felt out of shape, and she had such a wonderful response: "Your body is in exactly the shape it should be for where you are and what you just went through." I think we tend to forget how freakin' amazing a woman's body and childbirth actually are. Maybe it's her job to make us feel good about our postpartum flab, but I'm going with it.

After an awesome yoga class, I stopped by Whole Foods for coffee and lunch. Calvin slept in his car seat, and I got to eat an amazing quinoa, lentil, kale, and buffalo meatball burrito (doesn't sound good, but let me assure you - AMAZING - OK, OK, and SO Boulder) and sip on a latte. I told the barista that I had just come from a Mommy & Me class, and she looked at me in awe. "Weren't you so nervous?" she asked.

I nodded emphatically. Yes, I was nervous! What if my baby gets fussy? What will the other moms think about me? Will my body be able to handle yoga? What if I have to nurse in public?

"Weren't you so nervous that you'd drop him?"

"Um, yeahhh..." NO! No, I was not nervous that I'd DROP him! I may not have it all figured out, but I think I can manage to keep a good grip on my child during tree pose. God bless her for being concerned, but I almost bubbled over. If she only knew the real worries of a new mom.

I have to say, I LOVE where Calvin is now. He is such a sweet kid and so much fun to be around. His eyes are so bright, and I love how his little face lights up with pure joy when he sees me for the first time in the morning or after a nap. I feel like I'm finally savoring the moments with him because I'm feeling more confident and comfortable with being a mom. Still a bit disheveled and smelly at times, but that's to be expected.